“These are my confessions…”

“These are my confessions…”

Imagine Usher singing this in the background as you read.  You are on one side of the confessional and I am on the other side.  I am dressed in black with a little black hat and a black veil attached.

“Forgive me, for I have sinned.”

Confession #1: I lied and jerked a guy around for 5 years.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and myself from a lawsuit).

I was stupid when I was 19.  Weren’t we all?  I thought I had life all figured out.  As a psychology major, I knew that girls picked men that were like their fathers.  I knew that my father was a drug addict and an alcoholic that beat up his wife and kids.  Therefore my reasoning was that I needed to pick a guy that was none of those things and that I like as a friend to be in a relationship with.  That was the key to a happy, healthy relationship.  After all, sparks and the warm fuzzies fizzled after so many months.  Longevity, stability and not getting beaten up were more appealing to me than seeing fireworks.

And that is what I did.  I picked a guy that was quiet (that means no yelling when the floor wasn’t swept ‘his’ way).  He had never done drugs and drank but not frequently and not in excess (that means no addiction).  He was not violent with anyone (no beating me up).

We will call this guy Brad.  Brad was raised by his mother and grandmother, which to me meant he was not going to be a chauvinistic pig.  Especially since his father had cheated and hurt his mother.  I assumed he would never want anyone else to feel the way his mother had felt.

We dated.  He fell in love.  I loved him like a friend, my best friend.  I was not in love with him so I lied.  When he proposed, I said yes.

For five years I lied to Brad.  I pretended to be in love and happy but I wasn’t.  When the charade became too much to handle, I grew bitter and resentful.

And then he cheated.

People who know Brad and I know I was angry and hurt (yes hurt because he had my complete trust) (yes I know this makes me a hypocrite because he shouldn’t have trusted me because I was lying).  They know that I don’t condone cheating and that there is no good excuse for it.

However, I understand the part I played in the demise of our relationship.  I understand that my actions led to the end, the very angry, hostile end.  I see how my choices changed Brad and how it affected his future relationships (he has a problem trusting women).

Confession #1:  I lied and jerked a guy around for 5 years.

Please feel free to confess to your own bad relationship choices below!


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