I was a Bully

Confession #3: I was a Bully, an adult bully.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent

When I was 20 I was in college and I worked at a group home for the mentally ill/developmentally disabled.  I loved my job.  I loved the people.  I loved that I was helping them and I loved being in control.

When I first started I worked under Kate.  She was fired shortly after (still don’t know why).  Then Carrie came to manage the home.  She was very sweet but not really committed.

Carrie was too stressed and overworked so her boss, May, came to me and said I was a great worker, made intelligent decisions and they would like me to become an emergency on-call person.  May said they were creating this position for ME!  They had never asked a non-management staff to do on-call.  I was thrilled.

And all the talking me up really went to my head.  I became very bossy and controlling.

Carrie moved away and the management position opened.  May assured me I would get the position so I walked around like a peacock and bossed everyone around.  They started calling me ‘the warden.’  It was not a term of endearment.

Then May’s dad became ill and she left.  She quit and moved to be closer to him.

I applied for the position.  I interviewed.  I waited.

Jennie, a tiny, bubbly woman that had just finished her degree in social work, applied for the position.  Everyone loved her immediately.

She got the position.  MY position.  And they (upper management) had the nerve to ask me to train her!  I was irate.  And I took out my anger on Jennie.

Oh I trained Jennie.  I trained her on how to deal with my bad attitude while working.  I was a HUGE bitch!  I made fun of her for everything I could think of.  To her face.  I told her that her name reminded me of a stripper (Jennie was not her real name).  I called her a midget.  I freaked out at her when she called me hun.  I did whatever I could to make her feel bad (and me feel good).

One day after months of this, me being a heinous bitch and her just taking it, she cried.  I felt validated.

She didn’t tattle on me or act like a bitch in return.  She remained bubbly and friendly.  She did her job and did it well.  She wasn’t a control freak (like I was) and that made her relationship with everyone better.  They liked her more than they liked me.  Her positive, helpful attitude made her better at her job and better for the job.

Then I felt like shit.  I apologized and she said she forgave me but I was always skeptical.  How could she?  Would I have forgiven her if the tables were turned?

I’d like to think so but back then I probably would have held a grudge and gotten some kind of revenge.

Confession #3: I was a bully.

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